Vicious Cycles

So, the diet was going really well...

However, Phillip and I were having a very difficult time catching all the calories we needed. When you bike and train jiujitsu, the calories needed and expended are high. When you can't have carbs, it's challenging to catch up. I think that the elimination diet takes a lot of time, and serious dedication that we can't afford in our lives right now.

We found it helpful to cook chicken and sautee vegetables with quinoa or rice for dinner. But, when you train jiujitsu or work at night...it's challenging to make dinner. And when you rely on the co-op, you spend thirty dollars on lunch. I would eat, get to work, and be frustrated and starving. It seemed like the days I didn't eat enough were also the days I went home with awful headaches. They started at my shoulders and worked all the way to my temples. Basically, we had to add things back in because we just weren't eating enough.

However I did find that I felt better: less sluggish, more energy, (better sleep?). So we decided to make our own revised diet. We are continuing to cut many things but have also reintroduced a few things that we found necessary for nutrients. We added back in eggs. They are quick and packed with the protein we need. We added granola back into our breakfast smoothies so we have more complex carbs to help us later on. We are also less sticklers about the meat we eat, although I don't eat pork anyways. No dairy except for special treats. We don't mind if lime/lemon juice pops into our otherwise "clean" soup.

We discovered that we need to start cooking whenever possible. We love the way we feel without sugar and bulky carbs but we are allotting ourselves ONE cheat day a week for some of our favorites like pizza! Our relationship is built upon celebration. We celebrate every little tiny thing from being home together to training together. We celebrate Phillip's good grades and my writing escapades, we celebrate when we fight and when we make up. Food is part of celebration.

Next on the management list!

I have found anxiety to be the worst symptom. I get anxious for not accomplishing things and then I wouldn't accomplish things because I feel anxious. It's a vicious cycle.

Before I go to bed at night, I make a list of what I will do the next day. The list seems ridiculous when you look at it, because it's literally hour by hour what I will do, but it helps. I don't have those moments where there's so much to do that I don't know where to start.

I have been forcing myself to wake up on time in the mornings. This still means at least 9 hours of sleep, which I seem to need. I usually feel very stiff and my hands are weak and difficult to close. However, after a nice warm shower and a little bit of joint movement, I find that I can start to tackle my day.

Also, I try to pick something that inspires me to do for the half-hour it takes me to drink my smoothie. Sometimes it's reading, sometimes it's watching jiujitsu videos, sometimes it's writing. Whatever it is, it helps me stay motivated about my day.

In the middle of a lunch rush at work, I walked into the kitchen alley with a long list of "need to get" for my tables. Instead of rushing around, I walked with swag. Yeah, swagger, which just so happens to be a word used by Ken Kesey in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," my current read. The people in the psych ward have things much worse. I don't need people who don't care about me to make my day worse. Now when a table is rude or needy, I just take a deep breath and calmly go about my business, instead of holding it all in and releasing my frustration on Phillip the minute I get home from work.

I'm doing my best to not let Fibro be an excuse. Every time something pops into my head like, "I'm in too much pain to..." or "I'm to exhausted to..." I remind myself to be strong. I will only hate myself if I sit around and do nothing. I am a writer and a bjj girl and a server and a girlfriend and a caregiver, I'm not a butt sitter.